Never in my life or in my wildest dreams I could imagine that I will get so happy. I am simply overjoyed.

Looking at the moon glistening over the rocks of mount San Jacinto, I do not feel that I am on the earth. I feel like I am on the moon. This moment is so surreal for me that I might as well be driving on the moon. I am not sure that they have SUVs in the moon or not but I am sure that they do not have an overzealous driver as me at this moment..

Dalida’s voice adds to my ecstasy of the moment. Hearing her voice when driving is heaven. Why would I want to go to heaven? I sure did find heaven on earth on this very night driving through the desert and listening to her voice. And guess what? I did not even have to die to become this lucky.

Her voice penetrates through the darkness of the night the same way that the moon light is stabbing the darkness hard. The mountains are shining under the silver rays.

Moi je veux mourir sur scène
Devant les projecteurs
Oui je veux mourir sur scène
Le cœur ouvert tout en couleurs
Mourir sans la moindre peine
Au dernier rendez-vous
Moi je veux mourir sur scène
En chantant jusqu’au bout

(In English:

I want to die on stage
In front of projectors
Yes, I want to die on stage
Heart open all in color
Die without the slightest pain
At the last rendez-vous
I want to die on stage
Singing till the end)

And makes me think of all those days and nights that I thought I will never experience this joy again. All those moments that I did not see death but the experience of inability was so strong that I saw it as a gradual death.

Moi, je veux mourir en ecrivant
devant les livres que j’ai ecris..
Oui je veux mourir sur scène
>devant les esprits que j’ai touche’

( In English

I want to die while writing
In front of all the books I have written
Yes, I want to die on stage
In front of all souls that I have touched)

These are the words that come to me. I stop the car and get out of it. It is cold. Desert is always cold at night. I don’t care. I don’t mind. I breathe deep, deep, deep and am feeling more live than many minutes of my life. I am not sure how long I was holding my breath. A moment came that I felt something salty on my lips and it was then that I exhaled. Loud. I think all the desert creatures heard it. It was a tear. When did I start crying? This night is full of magic.

Tears of happiness kept rolling down my cheeks. I knelt on the floor, on the hard little stones and pebbles. It was hard on my knee but I had to do it. I bowed my head down in gratitude. I thanked the universe for sending me the energy and the guidance to experience this moment and  get to this place yet again one more time

For I had been able to DRIVE again.

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